How I tried to solve my dating anxiety

And why it was the totally wrong approach

Image for post
Image for post
Photo by freestocks on Unsplash

I’m a very anxious person — and nothing used to cause me more anxiety than dating.

Maybe you can relate?

  1. I rigorously questioned my automatic narratives and worked to create new ones. Any time I had an automatic reaction or assumption, I stopped. Was there literal proof of that thought? Did the fact AJ hadn’t texted me that day mean… anything? Other than probably he was busy? I also looked at what these automatic reactions really meant at their core. Did I really think that AJ didn’t care about me? That he was constantly on the verge of leaving me? Why was I so committed to believing those things and searching for evidence of them, instead of working to see more beautiful, meaningful, positive things?
  2. Anytime I felt the pull to ask my boyfriend for reassurance, I invested in an act of self-care. This was a practice. But I committed to one month of sitting with myself before reaching out to AJ to try to reassure me, and doing something like cooking a meal, taking a bath, going for a run or journaling. In short, this was a retraining of myself; previously I had been conditioned to get reassurance from somebody else. So this turn inwards to acts of self-care for me, by me, was creating a new habit of getting that soothing, if you will, from the only person who can truly provide it: me.

Teaching awakening + healing through vulnerability + self-compassion. Finding hope in a messy world. Author of the Sunday Soother.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store