Why is it so hard to know what feels good?

Shouldn’t feeling good feel… easy? (Spoiler alert: I’m not so sure)

Photo by Cristian Escobar on Unsplash

This article is cross-posted from my weekly newsletter, The Sunday Soother, a newsletter about clarity, intention, and useful tips for creating more meaning in your life that goes out every Sunday morning. Subscribe here. I am also a coach who works with sensitive people so they can stop second-guessing, make decisions confidently and live the life they’ve always dreamed of. You can learn more about working with me here.

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Happy Sunday, Soothers. If you follow me on Instagram, you may have seen that I’m on an October phone challenge, where I’m not using my phone one hour before bed, or within one hour of waking up. And it’s felt so lovely. I’m winning the battle against the demon phone and the mindless scrolling! I am virtuous! Take that, addictive technology and agents of numbing!

I gave myself this phone challenge because, yes, my scrolling and phone use were starting to feel out of hand. I also know that it’s never great for me to go cold turkey restrictive on something or, alternatively, set up sort of vague boundaries that I then forget to stick too, or nudge my way around. The one hour before bed and after waking up felt easy to remember, easy to do, extremely clear, it’s obvious why not having my phone in the bedroom is good for me, and so on.

But I also chose to do it because I’ve been trying to access something that feels ephemeral and intangible and far away to me these past couple of years: authentic, nourished joy.

I have been starting to draw connections between energetic leaks or poor boundaries in my life (scrolling, mindless eating or drinking, overworking) and the lack of nourished joy I’ve felt for the last couple of years.

To be clear, my life has plenty of joyful things in it: family, friends, partnership, my work and clients, a warm, comfortable home and so…